Before you become a parent you think the most difficult part will be labour. Perhaps sleepless nights, maybe the change to your lifestyle at a push. But you’re always confident that you’ll work it out, and after all, millions of people have done it so it can’t be that hard. Also, because you’re a naive idiot and your pretend children are much easier to look after than the real ones.
You get through the sleepless nights, crawling, eating germs, starting school, going on sleepovers for the first time and you think, “yeah, this parenting lark is almost a walk in the park”. Then you hit the teenage years.
Hell. On. Earth.
Well, it starts off ok, giving you a false sense of security again – 13 isn’t too bad, it’s all quite exciting for said teenager, they’re in a new age bracket and they feel grown up but realistically they’re still exactly the same as they were at 11 and 12, only with “teen” on the end. 14 comes around, you’re feeling brave, optimistic even.
Let me tell you. There is a minefield every damn day when you’re a parent to a 14 year old girl. Real life doesn’t exist to them, only what is happening inside their phones. Drama is a regular occurrence – the snapchat call outs are beyond hilarious. “Has anyone heard from blah blah, we’ve not heard from her for 23 mins, hit me up wifey”
I’m sorry, what?
Instagram? Don’t even get me started. I read a quote the other day saying “if you want to see what someone is scared of losing, look at what they photograph” Well, apparently my 14 year old is frightened of losing her face. With a dog filter and a pout. And, quite possibly, two fingers covering some part of her mush.
Boys. I f%cking hate you teenage boys. Despite raising my daughter to be all girl powered up, I still seem to be struggling with reminding her that she can demand respect and manners at all times. Regardless of how cute/funny/popular that boy might be. If I catch one more boy on social media being “funny” to girls, I will not be held responsible for my actions. Also, let me teach you what a joke is, just so you have it for future reference, because right now, you’re doing it allllllllll kinds of wrong.
Until we’re out of this phase, I am going to remind her daily, hourly if I need to, that girls and boys are equal, just because you’re cute doesn’t mean you’re not a dick, and insulting people isn’t a good way to flirt. I’m going to ram girl power down her throat so much that she’ll be leading a feminist protest before you know it. While at the same time reminding my son how NOT to treat females. Because, you know, it’s not just the girls that need to learn the ropes.
Gah. I’m exhausted just thinking about the daily battle and I haven’t even started todays. Give me sleepless nights and a screaming baby any day of the week.
Girl Power. Peace out & pass me the gin.