Hi, it’s me. I think I’ve been MIA since the middle of January, longer if you don’t count sponsored stuff I’ve written, and it’s all gone a bit arse up really hasn’t it?
I have fallen out of love with social media.
Never a good thing for a blogger to admit to, but I like to be honest. Occasionally.
I’m not quite sure when it started, but I found myself avoiding opening the computer. I can’t remember the last time I went on Twitter, other to complain about my Chilly’s bottle being nicked, thanks DPD, and even Instagram has lost it’s sparkle.
Everything feels so competitive. And I am so not up for that.
I used to be one of the most competitive people I knew, I would hate losing at anything, and, to me, everything was a competition. But these days I just can’t be arsed with it. Maybe I’ve grown up, who knows! (It had to happen eventually I suppose).
I don’t care how many followers I have on Instagram anymore. I’d rather have a decent number of people who follow me because they like what I post, than a shed load of people who are just in it for the likes. I’m slowly working my way through the people I follow and I’m getting rid of accounts that don’t float my boat, because, when I do look at it, I want it to fill me with happy thoughts, not thoughts of “crap, maybe I should be doing that” or “why didn’t I get invited to that?” Ya know?
And if that means I get hit by the follow/unfollow game then so be it.
There will always be people (in real life & on social, which, surprise surprise, isn’t real life!) that will steal ideas and play them off as their own. Then have the audacity (love that word) to act shocked when you pull them up on it. “Sorry Sandra, I think you’ll find that was my idea, but you go ahead and do it first, then it will look like it was yours won’t it?”
You know what? I know it was my idea and that’s all that matters. I am zen.
I’m over it all. All the games, all the hidden bitching and gossiping, the climbing over other people to get to the so called top. Surely we all have different tops, don’t we? Why would you want to be at my top?!
I think my year from hell (RIP 2017 you arsehole) taught me a lot of life lessons. They say you have to learn things the hard way, and I really did. All of this stuff? It doesn’t matter. If it’s fun and making you happy then knock yourself out, do it for the laughs and the moments that you might not otherwise have. But if it’s dragging you down and making you question yourself and your worth then stop. Just stop.
I am quite happy with who I am as a person now. I like myself. To be able to say that, out loud, is a huge thing. Because for a long time, I didn’t. And now that I actually like myself, I don’t care what other people think of me, or what they do.
That’s a bit of a trip isn’t it!
All those years worrying about what everyone else thought of me, from family to strangers. Feeling like who I was wouldn’t be enough, so this whole other person appeared, all it did was create more of a void, a gap in my life.
The more I worried about everyone else liking me, the less I liked myself.
I’m a lot calmer about things now. I can (mostly, I’m not a Saint) think through a situation before I react to it, I try to read how the other person might feel rather than just go all “THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME AND MY FEELINGS YOU COMPLETE D*CK HEAD” – because I did that before, unintentionally of course, but I still did it.
And so, the moral of this long winded, all over the place blog post is, now I like myself, everything else is just a cherry on the top. If my blog gets comments and shares, amazing, if not? Well I’m still going to write about what’s in my head. If I post a picture on Insta and it ‘only’ gets 20 likes then so be it. If you steal my ideas or copy me and pretend that you don’t, then that’s fine. They say it’s the sincerest form of flattery don’t they?
You do you, I’ll do me. And finally, after almost 37 years, I am more than happy with that.
Kind of feels like a whole new start.