Look at me, kind of blogging on a regular basis now, obviously got this writers block well and truly nailed.to.the.wall.
Or possibly not but we won’t dwell on that too much.
In my last post (she says, this is only the 3rd one she’s written this year, let’s not get carried away now) I touched on the fact that I am over diets. Clearly, this shocked a few people who know me in real life. I think the Husband even said something along the lines of “I’m fucking holding you to this, I now have it in writing”.
Yes, he reads my blog (hiiiii husband) and yes, he swears just as much as me, an angel he is not, despite appearances.
So I thought I’d go into a bit more detail on this ‘lil old topic, because, I’m nothing if not thorough.
I, like most women probably, go through stages. One day I can be all kinds of feeling myself, the next I feel like Quasimodo’s uglier sister. It’s all down to hormones and whatever but it really pisses me off.
Years, and I mean years (I’m 40 in 2021 FFS) of dieting, reading the constant battering celebs get in the press if they’re not a size 6, headlines about how the latest star has FINALLY dropped 3 stone and is now acceptable to look at, can really play havoc with someones mind.
But, towards the end of last year, something changed in my head in regards to the way I think of myself.
Body Positive accounts on Instagram, ‘curves’ on film & tv and nutritionalists literally pulling apart the diets bit by bit to show you how fucked up they are, they’ve all helped to bring about that teeny, tiny spark in me that thinks, maybe I don’t have to be on a diet for the rest of my life.
Wouldn’t that be fun!?
It always surprises me, but, I quite like myself actually. I’ve birthed two rather incredible humans, not died after almost dying, got through various ops, accidents and whatever else happens to our bodies as we grow, I even managed to not break my head when my dog pulled me into the corner of a wall as a kid, and everything still works. Quite well in fact.
OK, so my stomach is not my best bit. A home for two people, a c-section and all kind of issues in the old womb has made it slightly softer than one would hope for, and, I literally cannot remember what it looked like pre-kids. I even asked T the other week and, sadly, he can’t either. I mean, I know it was flat because I got it tattooed, but that’s as far as the memory goes.
My legs are long and fairly toned, apart from at the top of my thighs where I look like I could store some baby mice for safekeeping. Thigh pockets shall we say? (I don’t know if there even is a name for these, but pockets they shall be)
As for the boobs, amazing in a bra, not too shabby out of one but obviously they’re not as fit as they were when I was 20.
But, so what!?
I’m 37 (38 soon in case you’re think you should start shopping for my present) I’ve been married to my ACTUAL best friend for 18 years and annoying him for 22. So he obviously quite fancies me. I’ve got two really cool kids who I’m going to take at least 50% credit for and my life is pretty bloody good.
I like food too much to want to live on salad and low fat yogurt. Yes, I want to eat burgers and steak, double cooked fries and ALL the avocado on toast.
I want to wear clothes that flatter & make me feel sexy, and, even if I had a washboard stomach, I still wouldn’t be wearing a crop top – have you seen how many times they have to be pulled back down again!? I’m all about the comfortable thank you very much.
I’m going to try really hard to listen to my body this year. I used to be very anti breakfast, and would try and go as long as possible without food until lunch. When, obviously Sherlock, I’d be starving. Now, I can’t leave the house without my porridge pot to eat at my desk. I have NO idea how many calories are in it, and I don’t bloody care. It fills me up & keeps me going until I can have lunch.
Some days I’ll want salad and salmon and want to go on long walks with the dogs, but some days I’ll want pizza on the sofa watching TV and probably won’t move for a good 4 hours. Both are completely fine.
It’s really hard to switch off the guilt, you know, “I’ll eat this but then tomorrow I’ll be good and that’ll balance it out” but I’m going to try and stop myself every time I think like that. Food isn’t just “on a diet, this will make me skinny” or “having a blow out, eat all the calories” food. There’s a complete middle ground, where, so I’m led to believe, you can eat all of the food groups, whenever you want. Just by listening to what your body actually needs.
I’m over it. I am over it. (if you said that in Rachel from Friends voice, you’re my kind of person)
So, I’m gonna read the blogs & the books. I’m going to keep following the accounts that shout about loving yourself and I’m going to work really hard on loving myself too. And, if you want to be on your diet, I’m not going to knock you – you do you and I’ll do me.
(also, yes, all the photos are food related – you’d be surprised at how many photos of food I have inside my phone!)