Not that I’m planning on dying any time soon. Just, ya know, eventually. If I have to.
I’m turning 38 on Monday and, I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m getting older, or if I’m maturing (ha, never!) but it’s making me a little bit introspective.
I did a whole ’30 at 30′ list when I was about to change decades but, I can’t even remember what those things were. They were obviously important at the time, but now? Who knows! That’s the thing about writing a huge list of ‘must do’s’ – by the time you reach the bottom of the list, you’ve changed and what was important, isn’t anymore.
What’s important to me has changed, it used to be, dare I say it, quite shallow. I’m not going to lie, I always wanted to do what everyone else was doing, you know, FOMO.
It was more of a case of me looking at someones life through rose tinted glasses, which made my own life seem like a pile of crap. And yes, written down now, it sounds utterly ridiculous. But that’s where I was.
If Jane was going on about her wonderful (5th) holiday of the year on the hell hole that is Facebook, I would be in my little bitter world wondering why the hell we weren’t on any holiday, never mind another one.
I’d completely skip past what the rest of Janes life was like and compare my ENTIRE life to her one highlight reel.
Because I was a dick.
But then I woke up/grew up whatever you want to call it. And realised, what I have, right now, I wouldn’t swap for anything. You can take the fancy holidays, the permanently child free weekends, the whatever else it was I thought I wanted, because I wouldn’t swap my life for any of it.
Now I’m all growed up, my dreams have changed. Of course I still want to travel & holiday – there’s so much of the world I want to see, so many places I want to take the kids, to help shape their lives and show them things they might never know about otherwise.
There are things I want to do with the husband while we’re still young enough to appreciate it. I don’t want us to work our entire adult lives so that we can afford a few years of retirement – I want to do all of those things before we’re old, so we have all our life left to look back on those memories and remember them.
Life is so short. It’s not something you appreciate to start with, as a teenager everything seems to drag, waiting to leave school, to go to college, to move out, to earn money. I can see it all through my teenager now. She’s on that cusp of almost becoming an adult but still very much a child. I can feel how impatient she is to finish school and ‘finally’ start life and I remember that feeling like it was yesterday.
Only it wasn’t, it was 21 years ago. And that scares the shit out of me!
Where have those 21 years gone? How have they gone so fast? Will the next 21 go that fast and, before I know it, I’ll be almost 60 and still waiting to tick things off a so called bucket list?
Life doesn’t wait for you. It carries on around you, whatever you’re doing. If you’re out there making memories or being all Bitter Betty. Nothing gets paused, nothing slows down so you can catch up. Time keeps ticking by, it’s just up to you whether you take part in it or not.
Memories can be made in the simplest of moments, or on the holiday of a lifetime. It doesn’t matter where you are, it matters who you’re with, what you’re doing and how you feel in that moment.
I’m all about making memories.